july 2020

friday 31th july

today has been so tiring. to start, someone in my boyfriend and
i's friendgroup told him that ive had 8 partners before him and that i
dont love him - all of which is false!!!! i dont know how you can be such
a prick to enjoy messsing with other people's relationships for no reason.
then, i had meeting about careers today. i had to let my mum know that i
wanted to study psychology and she didnt take it well. she said it's a useless job
to pick and will get me nowhere in life, and told me that i had to do medicine
to be successful and then proceeded to yell at me in front of my teacher!!!
and now i dont know what to do with my life :) i feel so drained and empty.
i hate careers more than anything and im so tired of dealing with my
mum. im both mentally and physically exhausted.

thursday 30th july

wtf its nearly august???? i hate that. i had an awful dream
last night and i really didnt wanna get up today :( im a bit freaked out
today and i don't rly know why?? i also cant really focus at all
today which is annoying bc i have school!!!!! after school i went to
my boyfrien's house n i took a bunch of careers tests and i am super
stressed for my future:( i dont feel motivated to continue going to
school but then again i have to!!!!! and i hate it!!!! i despise
thinking about my future and how hopeless i am. i also saw my ex's
name in my bf's class today and the i keep forgetting my that someone
named after my abuser is in a couple of my classes and i hate hearing
people talk to him.

wednesday 29th july

todays been a bit of a rough today:( very tiring and overwhelming
especially with the pandemic thats going on. i don't mind being
stuck inside but the whole concept of a global pandemic is very scary
to me! and for obvious reason. other than that i have to
do my careers interview on friday and im really not
looking forward to it! at least i don't have to go to class
tomorrow, cus my school got shut down, so thats a plus.