august 2020

monday 24th august

itssss monday. i h8 school and i feel so icky and grrr i dont want to
do nothing today.

friday 21st august

i am SICK of the shit my brain be pulling. i do not think y do i not
think. like actualyl GRRR I ahte it!!!!! i want to cry i feel so empty i am
hurting every1:( so so so sick of it.

saturday 15th august

i havent updated in several days and you knwo what. thats fine. cus i can.
anyway. i am playing pokemon AGAIN in french because?? um? why nto? me?
learning french from duolingo and pokemon sword on the switch? yes. also
yesterday one of my teachers asked for my phone number. WTF WHY DOES SHE
teachers shouldnt have student's numbers i legit thought thats against the law? also
im sick of having ptsd im ready to slice my brain up into little
bits im SICK!! OF!! IT!!

tuesday 11th august

helllooo i didnt update yesterday bc fuck writing words (jk i forgot) andddd
today i did not see my psychologist because i didnt want to be exhausted
for the rest of the day. yaay. i will be fine though- it dont make a big
difference tbh. anyway reports have been pushed back!! so next wednesday
is the new scary day for me ahaha. i think i will be fine tho. i reckon
it won't be too bad. anyway my boyfriend came over today and i was like ily
babe and he was like ily babe and that was relaly nice:) i lov him.

sunday 9th august

when i took my antidepressant this morning my mum accused me of stealing an
extra pill? theres literally no reason for me to have taken it LOL. what am
i gonna do w one single antidepressant. take a second one and make me
feel extra empty?? no. dumb thing to complain about but i just found it kinda
funny haha. my bf came over to my house today and my dad built my
birthday-present-pc for me so im like EE!! very excited for that. my birthday
aint til september but im still real excited cus i have now seen my
present and how cool it looks. ill be a pro at bedwars on that?? on a less cool
note i am not super excited for wednesday, and even though i know
im (almost) up to date im just scared i wont do well. i dunno.

saturday 8th august

i woke up hella early this morning, and then fell asleep and stayed alseep until
11am. very productive mornin. i did like nothin all day as ya do. i
spent the day playin BEDWARS!!!! with my boyfriend!!!!!!! BC I AM LAME!!!!!
but it was fresh i think it was fun:) i kinda just chilled for the rest
of the day and then had a panic attack before bed. so. not very cool but its okay.

friday 7th august

my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months today! thats pretty exciting.
im surprised hes not sick of me by now. (ily btw) and i also had
my first session with my tutor today. she was a lovely girl but she kinda made
me feel stupid LOL. although i kinda actually am stupid so :)) its fair. i
honestly dont remember anything about the rest of the day so i got nothin
to write. i played games w my bf. thats it. i got nothin to complain abt.

thursday 6th august

to be honest i didnt do much today. i visited my boyfriend for the first time
in a few days n i had a call with my music teacher for the first time
which was comforting because i really missed just seeing her. i feel like
shes protected me for the past 3 years and she is more of a mother to me
than my own mum. i have a tutor tomorrow at 4pm and im really not in
the mood! n i got in a mood tonight. i dont really know why but i was just hella
crying and i felt awful and didnt know why :/ so yikes.

wednesday 5th august

i had the most awful dream last night?? i cried for like a solid hour after
i woke up and to be honest that wasnt a great start to the day? im back
to being super tired and my careers appointment is in an hour. hoping
it goes well but i got no clue whats gonna happen. will update after its done
of course!! fingers crossed health sciences! im back now and the
meeting is over. my mum yelled at me and demanded i do maths methods.
i cant do maths methods - i'll fail. i think i have a plan to do health
sciences instead but im really scared it wont work out.

tuesday 4th august

nooooo school 2day!! and i woke up pretty tired but i got hella energised
halfway thru the day which was weird but i aint complaining. i spent
the day playing minecraft w my boyfriend which was nice. i got a careers
meeting tomorrow and im not super excited about that cus like ??? careers?
i hate careers? but i think i have a plan for how im gonna not get kicked
out by my mum and do a course that wont make me fail school cus fuck maths.
(written on the 5th cus i forgot to update)

monday 3rd august

i had an appointment with my psychologist today!! and no school tomorrow!!!
i am immesurably stressed and i feel awful!!!! and lethargic!!! and
unenthused!!!! i have a plan for careers however i am really not in the mood
to write much today. sorry. the lack of motivation strikes again!!!

sunday 2nd august

i spent the day with my boyfriend today and i felt very pretty!!! i havent
felt so confident in my looks in a long time so it was really nice. most
of the day we were in bed but we went for a skate today and it was very
wholesome. although, just like yesterday i am still pretty tired from a string
of long ass days!!!! im stressed about tomorrow, i think i have another
careers meeting and im not in the mood?! its literally only 9 pm right now and
im ready for bed.

saturday 1st august

i got my eyelash extensions done this morning at the lash tech girl's house.
i don't know why but i felt an overwhelming sense of paranoia that she
was going to kill me when i arrived which wasnt great!!!! after i got home my
parents were out for nearly an entire day. it made me feel pretty abandoned
and loney?? and my boyfriend (sorry babe) seemed pretty busy today:(
i am awfully demanding for someone who is so distant to him though,, sorry sean!!!!!
as of now i feel overwhelmingly tired and empty and im not sure why. i think
having so many bad days in a row has really taken a toll on me!!